actual things men have said to me on hinge, in the last week:

Yes, these are real and not listed in any particular order. And I have scrambled the quotes and names and ages to keep their identities private:

1. Steve, 59: “Relapse with the foot, but they got the culture finally, and they changed my meds,so hopefully it will clear up pretty quickly.” Message #: 5 When explaining why he had to put off taking me dancing.

2. Jon, 43:

   Me: “I have three teenagers.”
   Jon L.: “That’s fine.” Message #6

3. Colin T, 39: “I will give you call on Tuesday so we can chat directly.” Message #22
   Me: “That sounds perfect.”
   Colin T: “Call you after I’m off work after 5pm.”
   Me: Thumbs up emoji.
   Colin T: (nothing,ever again comes from Colin. There was never another text of any kind.)

4. Mark, 48
   Me: “So Mark, you are 48 and have never been married, or in a long term relationship? Tell me more about that.” Message #31
   Mark: “You know, my mother would probably ask the same question.”
   Mark: “I think I just don’t want to settle, you know? I value my alone time and I won’t give that up for just anyone. The person I am with has to really make me want to commit.”
   Me: “Are you sure you want a girlfriend?”
   Mark: “No.”
   Me: “Right.”

5. Chris, 39
   Me: “Thanks for the “like.” Just letting you know I’m exhausted, so I might fall asleep, if I don’t write back.”
   Chris: “Haha, no worries. I hope you had fun getting to the point of exhausting.”
   Me: “You must not have kids.”

6. Reo, 51
   Reo: “What are you hobbies, what are you passionate about?” Text #4.
   Me: “Hobbies?” “I have three teenagers. My hobbies include driving around, waiting around, playing stupid games on my phone, meal planning and dishwasher worship.”